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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29584491">e-mail</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/insouuuuf/pseuds/insouuuuf'>insouuuuf</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Breakfast, Episode: s06e04-05 Dreamland, Episode: s06e22 Biogenesis, Episode: s07e07 Orison, F/M, First Revelation, Hurt/Comfort, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:21:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29584491</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/insouuuuf/pseuds/insouuuuf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>« He just needed to check something in his email box... »</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fox Mulder &amp; Dana Scully, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>X-Files Dialogue Fanfic Exchange (2021)</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>e-mail</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Kid_From_Yesterday/gifts">The_Kid_From_Yesterday</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is for Eli (The_Kid_From_Yesterday). Hi Eli ! thank you for thinking of this prompt ; it was really inspiring to get this line of dialogue since I'm fond of declarations just like this one, especially with Mulder and Scully's history. In return, I tried to make it a really significant one. So, I hope you will enjoy it, and you too readers &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1998</p><p> </p><p>She didn’t recognize him. He told her about the yogurt thing and still, she didn’t believe he really was Mulder. But before she took off, he promised her that he would have proof for her to believe in.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>After getting the flight data recorder, he sat in a cybercafé because if that flight data (still) wouldn't be good enough for her – even tho he doubted it, this is scientific proof, after all – he still had one trick up his sleeve. He's going to crack up that rational shell of hers. He just needed to check something in his email box...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Later that day</p><p> </p><p>« I’m sorry. »</p><p> </p><p>Before he has time to run anywhere else, he's being handcuffed and his only (material) proof is snatched away from his hands.</p><p> </p><p>« Scully ? You ? » She didn't even give him a minute to explain himself. He could have accepted that she still didn't believe him – even if after what he was about to show her, he doubted she would still be as stubborn not to acknowledge that something happened here. But that she didn't take the time to listen ?</p><p> </p><p>He didn't understand, the Scully he knew always took the time ; even if, by the end of the argument, she would hold the same position. And why the ambush ?</p><p> </p><p>Right in this moment, something was wrong and nothing felt right. A huge ache settled in his heart and he felt like she had just abandoned him. It should be no surprise if she did ; physically, he's not Fox Mulder. And intimately, well... they've never be quite open with each other intimately. What is the one thing he can tell her that is so private no one could ever – ever – know except if they are in a romantic relationship with Dana Katherine Scully ?</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, he realizes that the universe is telling him that the only thing that could save him right now would be knowing Scully in and out ; the very same universe that is dragging them through hell over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>Oh how cruel the situation turned out to be. If he wasn't so panicked right now, he would laugh.</p><p> </p><p>Actually, he did think about something to tell her if the material proof wouldn't be enough. If he had to get personal to convince her, he would ; as personal as he could get with the informations he had, even tho the last attempt didn't do the trick.</p><p> </p><p>He has to dig deeper. And this is not like in Scully's eyes, he's Fox Mulder right now. He's just some random guy. He can take a risk, just this once. And even if she does recognize him, well, actually, it won't be a point of no return for them. At least, he doesn't think so.</p><p> </p><p>Now he's being walked away and this is it ; this could be the last he sees of her before a long time – hell, maybe forever.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Scully, that man is not me, he's not me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>« Wait. Wait ! », he shouts and gesticulates widly, turning around to her but adressing one of the soldiers. « No ! Let me say one thing to her, just one thing ! »</p><p> </p><p>Now he's looking straight into her eyes. <em>Hear me Scully, please.</em> He swears he's feeling tears starting to swell up but only because he already misses her. So much.</p><p> </p><p>« Please, Scully. », he begs.</p><p> </p><p>She returns his look back and draws a deep breath, mentioning with her hand to the soldiers holding him that they can take it easy on him. « It’s okay. », she adds. They do as told and everyone stand still for a few seconds before he speaks again. He may not believe in God but he believes in her : « If you ever feel so alone again, know that you are not, that you will never be, cause you’ll always have me. »</p><p> </p><p>He sees her frown in a way that screams : <em>what the hell was that ?</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh.Oh.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mulder doesn't take his eyes off her, waiting for an answer – just anything, really – but what she does next, he did not expect : she glances at the soldier in his right and just like that, he's being walked away. What just happened was so cold and unexpected of her and above all, frustrating, he just wants to scream.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly but surely, she's getting out of frame and out of his life.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, once in the car, the frustration can only find its way out through tears.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>1999</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>« You're both liars ! » She had had enough. Her partner went nuts. She was nowhere with this case. And to top it all off, Diana is here.</p><p> </p><p>Right now, in this corridor, it was too much to handle. She wanted to be near Mulder and reassure him that he'll be okay – she'll make sure of that. He was unrecognizable, yes, but she didn't want to believe that the man she knew was completly gone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He called for me. How the hell could he be violent towards me ?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She's heading to the exit door of the hospital when : « Agent Scully ! »</p><p> </p><p>Dr Harriman is calling after her, breaking both her train of thoughts and the heavy atmosphere that surrounded this place which was as silent as a desert. Having reached her level, he speaks : « Agent Scully, there is something I meant to give you. It's from your partner. I don't know if you know this already but he was asking for you last night when he was still a little... himself. He asked for a piece of paper on which he wrote something, that he asked for you to have. I didn't mention this to assistant director Skinner or agent Fowley, as I assumed it might be personal since he only wanted you to take a look at it so... » He hands her a piece of paper. «...here you go. »</p><p> </p><p>She takes it, no questions asked. « Thank you, doctor. »</p><p> </p><p>« Of course. I'll let you know when there's anything new. » She nods and he leaves.</p><p> </p><p>Before unfolding the paper, she takes a long and deep breath, her eyes watering a little bit. <em>He's really trying to reach out to me. </em>She knew he would ; but this knowledge only deepens the pain she's feeling : he needs her help and she doesn't know where to start.</p><p> </p><p>Now, the paper is unfolded ans she reads as follows : <em>If you ever feel so alone again, know that you are not, that you will never be, cause you’ll always have me.</em></p><p> </p><p>She reads it again ; again and again.</p><p> </p><p>Then, she looks up.</p><p> </p><p>He could have written anything else but he chose this. So, somehow, she knew he was trying to tell her something ; he wanted her to know that a part of him was still there and the thing is, she knows that phrase from somewhere. She's wracking her brain around that line.</p><p> </p><p><em>Where the hell did I hear that ?</em> she asks herself, out loud.</p><p> </p><p>But for the life of her, she can’t recall from where...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>2000</p><p> </p><p>She had just killed Donnie Pfaster.</p><p> </p><p>Mulder assured her it was self-defense and she herself qualified him as plein evil, but still, she did not feel relief. Au contraire, she felt uneasy, worried – if she was capable of killing, what else was she capable of ?</p><p> </p><p>She questioned her true self, her motivations, the righteousness of her decisions, of her actions. Tonight, she started going down a path he didn't like. <em>You're already feeling bad as it is for killing him</em>, he thought. « Come on, start packing, let's get out of here. »</p><p> </p><p>She didn't even ask him where they were going. She knew he was taking her to his place and nowhere else. But for a minute there, he actually comptemplated the idea of asking her if, maybe, she wanted the comfort of her mother right now. But he also didn't want her to think she wasn't welcomed to his place.</p><p> </p><p>Never will she not be ; his place : her place.</p><p> </p><p>But she didn't say anything so he kept his mouth shut.</p><p> </p><p>When they enter his apartment, it's a little past 8am. <em>Right on time for breakfast</em>, he gladly thinks. Even since they left her place, she didn't say a word. She was there with him – physically – but her mind was miles away. And she kept looking right in front of her, just lost in her thoughts. He wants to do something nice for her, he wants to bear with her the weight she's holding, and hold her and do whatever she wants him to do. But they are still partners. And she still doesn't say a thing.</p><p> </p><p>So breakfast will do.</p><p> </p><p>When they entered his place, she stayed put in the middle of his appartement, not really knowing what to do, still holding her bag in her hand. Coming to her from behind and close to her face, he says, soflty : « Hey ».</p><p> </p><p>She jumps at the sound.</p><p> </p><p>Instinctively, he puts a hand on her back « I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you. »</p><p> </p><p>Her head is turned towards his but she doesn't meet his eyes : « No, it's okay, I'm just... exhausted, that's all. »</p><p> </p><p>He stares at her for a moment. She looks so vulnerable, he just wants to wrap his arms around her so maybe this will be the last time she ever get hurt like this again. It may be naïve but that's all he has to offer her right now.</p><p> </p><p>Instead, he asks : « Hey, look, how about you let me take that bag... » – he grabs the bag from her hand – «...and you go lay down on the couch for a bit while I make us some breakfast. Are scrambled eggs and coffee acceptable for a menu ? I may even have unexpired orange juice somewhere if we're lucky. », he grins.</p><p> </p><p>A smile. It doesn't reach her eyes but it's a first. « Yeah, that would be great. Thanks. »</p><p> </p><p>« All right. ». He drops her bag next to the kitchen door and takes off his vest and she heads for his couch and lie down onto it while he goes to work. Afterwards, he comes back with two plates, two cups of coffee but only one glass of orange juice. She moves to a sitting position and looks down at the glass and then back at him. He knew exactly what she thought. That's why he says this first : « It's okay, I don't need one. It's all for you. » She doesn't argue, for she is too content to finally have something to eat. « Thank you. »</p><p> </p><p>Thinking that maybe she doesn't really want to talk and not sure how a silence would feel like, he lays out all options and turns the TV on but turns the volume down a little because, maybe, she will actually want to talk. Without realizing what he was doing, he sat next to her on the couch. All of sudden, he feels pretty uncomfortable. It's not that he feels uneasy because he's sitting next to Scully on a couch ; he can't recall the number of times they did that. It's that he's sitting on a couch next to her, in his apartment, in the morning, while having breakfast and not discussing work and not knowing exactly what will happen next.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, context is everything.</p><p> </p><p>But it was a natural thing to do for him and again, she doesn't say anything or try to move away. Her eyes are glued to the screen and so are his. But sometimes, he glances over her and starts asking himself if TV was actually a good idea since he's suddenly under the impression that she only focuses on the television set because, maybe, she thought he didn't want to talk.</p><p> </p><p><em>Shit, why did I even turn that thing on ? </em>he curses himself.</p><p> </p><p>So sometimes, he will break the silence to make a silly comment over what's going on on the screen so she knows that he's loving this time they are sharing together. He's also doing it just to make her laugh and from time to time, it actually works. She finishes her meal first – to be honest, he definitely could have finished his first but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable by thinking he was waiting for her to be done.</p><p> </p><p>He had just put down his coffee mug when she turns to him and, surprisingly, speaks first : « Thank you again. »</p><p> </p><p>« Sure. » They hold their gaze for a moment but she's the first one to break it, letting her face fall and her eyes shut, letting out a breath.</p><p> </p><p>« I'm sorry. » She says it almost in a defeat tone.</p><p> </p><p>« What ? Why ? »</p><p> </p><p>« Because I know what you're trying to do Mulder. ». She looks up at him. «  And I appreciate the sentiment, I really do, but I can't even put on a good face in acknowledgment right now and that's making me feel bad. »</p><p> </p><p>« You don't have to reciprocate anything Scully. I can only imagine how traumatic last night was for you... you don't have to put on any face for me. I would be the asshole here to ask you to do that. »</p><p> </p><p>She nods but she goes back on looking down at her feet.</p><p> </p><p>« Scully... » He puts his arm around her to bring her to his side : « It's okay... » He rubs her arm up and down and she just leans her head on his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, she raises her head to his ; he looks back down in her eyes where he saw no confidence, no bright blue eyes. Instead, it was a mix of uncertainty and adoration and he didn't know what that look was for, nor what to do with it.</p><p> </p><p>And she kissed him.</p><p> </p><p>It lasted for a very few seconds but she kissed him, just like that.</p><p> </p><p>He was taken aback so he didn't exactly leaned into it but he didn't back away either. She backs away first, abruptly, and turns away from him, covering her face with her hands. She rumbles : « I’m sorry, I'm sorry... », confusion clearly taking over her.</p><p> </p><p>He looks at her, slightly shocked by what just happened and stays still. <em>Shit, shit, shit. </em>This is not what he meant by not laying into it. He wants to kiss her (again). So much. But she's in a bad place right now. He doesn't want to take advantage. Yes, she initiated it but she also just went through hell.</p><p>He just wanted to make sure. So he takes her hands off her face, joining them in his laps and leans in toward her face, asking for her consent : « Can I kiss you again ? »</p><p> </p><p>She nods. « Yes. »</p><p> </p><p>And they kissed. Again. The palm of his hand on her cheek. And this one does last more than a few seconds.</p><p> </p><p>Breathless, they break the kiss at the same time and rest their foreheads against each other. He doesn't really know what he's supposed to say now. What he's sure of is he doesn't want to say something similar to what he said just a couple of weeks ago when the bell rang the new year because he was being playful. And right now it isn't the time to be acting all flirty. So instead, he just stays silent but suprisingly, again, she's the one to break the silence, eyes shut and forehead still resting against his.</p><p> </p><p>« How did you know to come to my place ? », she asks, quietly.</p><p> </p><p>He smiles : « I heard that song, on the radio. 'Don't look any further' ? »</p><p> </p><p>Her brows furrows just for a second and she backs up a little to look into his eyes. « Oh. So you finally believed in God speaking to you ? » He thought he sensed a tease in her tone and felt like she was getting in a better place. But he wasn't sure so he kept his playful response in check.</p><p> </p><p>« No, I believed in you. I believed in what you believed was happening. »</p><p> </p><p>She adds, ever so soflty : « I always tought you weren't really paying attention to what I was saying about God's big plan. »</p><p> </p><p>He shakes his head. « No, no, I listen. I may not be convinced but I always listen, Scully. » She offers him a small smile and she goes back on facing the floor. Again, he stares at her. He wants her to break free from that dark bubble surronding her right now. It may not happen by the end of the day but meanwhile, he wants her to know that he never plays around when it's about her. He wants her to know that she can always count on him for a shoulder to lean on. If that may help make her feel better, then he will let her know.</p><p> </p><p>He brushes a strand of hair behind her ear and tells her : « If you ever feel so alone again, know that you are not, that you will never be, cause you’ll always have me. »</p><p> </p><p>She raises her eyes but her face is still down. He can see the wheels turning in her brain.</p><p> </p><p>« What ? »</p><p> </p><p>She tilts her head towards him but she doesn't meet his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>« Mulder, that phrase... »</p><p> </p><p>« Yeah ? »</p><p> </p><p>Now, she looks at him : « You told it to me once when you were in that psychiatric ward and this is going to be weird but... I feel like I already heard it somewhere else too. »</p><p> </p><p>He chuckles. « Yeah ? »</p><p> </p><p>She looks like she's still deep in her thoughts : « I don't know. Maybe not in a memory but more like a dream. You're in front of me... and...you're telling me that line and then you just take off, in handcuffs. »</p><p> </p><p>« Handcuffs ? »</p><p> </p><p>She chuckles : « It's a dream, Mulder. Don't ask me to explain it. »</p><p> </p><p>A few seconds. « Scully, you're really not kidding ? »</p><p> </p><p>« About what ? »</p><p> </p><p>« Not about the dream, about the phrase. You really think it's mine ? »</p><p> </p><p>« Well... yeah ? I mean, you've said it to me twice now.»</p><p> </p><p>He chuckles again. « You don't remember.» It's not a question, it's a statement.</p><p> </p><p>She shoots him a questioning look. « What ? »</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>1994</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The tape was useless ; another evidence going to waste. But he had just confessed to her that hope was still strong for him because he still had his work, and himself,</p><p> </p><p>and her.</p><p> </p><p>It was early. It was still early in this stage of their relationship but she was touched – deeply touched – by his admission that in his eyes, he held her in the same high as his work and himself, his only two other sacred things in life.</p><p> </p><p>But in the same time she felt bad for him. Yes, she held his hand for a quick second, making sure he knew she empathized with him. But it still felt to her like it wasn't enough. He needed help ; it was clear as day that he needed help. Professionally and personally. He was in a very bad place. And to top it all off, they ditched him in someplace ; somewhere unknown to all if you aren't looking for him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I have to reach out.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He's finally done with that lap dancing thing. Or strip dancing. He can't recall precisely what they were talking about, as he dozed out about 3 or 4 times. All he knows for sure when he gets home that night, is that it's 9pm and he's exhausted and lost in his thoughts. He takes a glass of water and sits in front of the TV but he can't really focus on what the two guys are talking about in the screen either.</p><p> </p><p>It's all pointless.</p><p> </p><p>He tried to be strong in front of her but he was afraid. It's not that he didn't mean what he said to her. No, it's actually the only thing he belives in right now. But he's afraid because he's not sure how long this hope will last.</p><p> </p><p>He goes on sitting in front of his desk to check his email box. He doesn't have the X-files anymore but he still has his work. People may still be trying to reach out to him ; whatever happened to them.</p><p> </p><p>It's the first one he sees. Right there.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn't know why she went with an email. That's not something they do.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh god, that's not something we do.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Maybe he was being too straightforward when he told her that he was counting on her support ? Maybe she got scared of this admission ? Maybe she thinks it is too big a responsability to be his safety rope ?</p><p> </p><p>He opens it and there's nothing more than a line : <em>«  Mulder,</em><em> if you ever feel so alone again, know that you are not, that you will never be, cause you’ll always have me. » </em>He reads it. Again and again ; swearing that at this very moment, he's never been more understood in his life...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>(Back to) 2000</p><p> </p><p>«  It's not mine Scully, it's yours. »</p><p> </p><p>She frowns once again, in suprise. « You're not kidding. »</p><p> </p><p>He shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>« When did I say that ? », complete confusion taking over her.</p><p> </p><p>He gets up from the couch and holds out his hand for her. He tilts his head toward his computer.</p><p> </p><p>« Come on, I'll show you something. »</p><p> </p><p>Now there she is, sitting in front of his computer. He turns it on and lowers himself down next to her. « Mulder, what is it ? »</p><p> </p><p>He chuckles but doesn't meet her eyes. « Hold on, Scully » He asks, a grin plastered in his face.</p><p> </p><p>So she waits.</p><p> </p><p>And suddenly : « Here. I put it in my archives because, wow, Scully, it was so beautiful, I could never delete it. »</p><p> </p><p>His finger is pointing to an email that she started to read, no permission from him needed.</p><p> </p><p>Once she was done reading it, she laughed to herself. « Oh god, I really said that to you ? »</p><p> </p><p>« Yep », he states proudly, a boyish grin on his face. « September 16<sup>th</sup>, 1994... »</p><p> </p><p>She notices the date on top of the email. « 1994... »</p><p> </p><p>« You remember now ? »</p><p> </p><p>« 1994... yeah – yeah, I do. With the X-files being closed, I remember you weren't feeling very well so I just wanted to cheer you up, you know... »</p><p> </p><p>« And thank you. It meant a lot to me. It really did. » Back in the day, they were so keen to keep everything to themselves that he didn't even dare to thank her for this. He just hoped that, somehow, she knew how grateful he was for that leap of faith she was taking on him.</p><p> </p><p>He turns to her, taking her hands in his. « And I’m here for you, whatever you need. After what happened, don't you think that you have to go through this alone. » A beat and he adds. « Okay ? »</p><p> </p><p>She nods but what she doesn't know and what it is also hard for him to pinpoint is that on this very day back in 1994, Fox Mulder had fallen in love with Dana Scully.</p>
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